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Holiday Tips Catered to Your Attachment Style, Good Things Utah Segment

By: Ashley & Laurin, CEOs


What is“Attachment”?

We all have an innate desire to connect with others and feel a sense of belonging, we first begin to learn how to attach at birth from our two primary caregivers. This is essentially what sets the tone of how you manage and engage in relationships through adulthood.

What is an “Attachment Style”?

There are four basic styles of attachment: Secure (this is the goal), Anxious (clingy, needy), Avoidant (surface connection), Disorganized (I need you but don’t come too close).

Holiday Tips for Anxious Attachment:

  • Maintain sense of self
    • People Pleasing habits may get in the way of wanting others’ approval, instead doing activities you love to maintain a sense of self.
  • Practice Personal Boundaries
    • Controlled detachment to allow yourself to enjoy the emotional aspects of the holidays while not trying to control the outcome

Holiday Tips for Avoidant Attachment:

  • Look for and focus on the elements you love about the holidays
    • Try not to overthink about the hesitations you may have about one thing or another, rather look forward to an individual you are excited to see, the festive foods, or the quirky holiday music.
  • Plan social engagement/conversations.
    • If you know who will be attending the event, plan things you would like to know about them and have follow up questions, closing questions and perhaps some ways to excuse yourself (learn to organically lead and close conversations)
  • Reward yourself with alone time
    • You may feel overwhelmed after socializing so much so plan to relax after you event and that may help you in feeling more motivated to go

Holiday Tips for Disorganized Attachment:

  • Start small!
    • Plan to meet up with family before a bigger event, connect with someone you are comfortable with first at the party
  • Remember to not accept your fears about what may happen as fact
    • Try to see yourself in a positive light, Fear: “I will be so awkward, nobody will want to talk to me”. Challenge the Fear: “People have talked to me at these events in the past, there is no reason why this time will be different.”.
  • You do not have to do it all, Protect Your Mental Health
    • Use your best judgment to know if a certain event will be beneficial to you (and your family), it does not matter the pressure or guilt you may be receiving from others- make you a priority. 

To learn more about these things, how to better apply them, or how to apply these tips and tricks to help your kids and grandkids visit our website and read more on our blog.

We also offer in person and telehealth appointments to help individuals, couples and families to achieve their goals.